Snooze

So I started taking classes at the community college this fall and I’m loving it. It’s so nice to go out in the world and have conversations with people other than my 3 year old. As much fun as I’m having, I have to admit I am a little busier than I’d like and a tad overwhelmed. My brain was way to full of information this week to write a new post so I figured I’d give you a little peek at what I’m working on in my creative writing class.

The teacher told us that to write a good poem we need to find our voice to find pain or hurt within us and convey that with words. Well.. the most painful thing in my life right now is extreme sleep deprivation from one tiny teething ten month old. So I started out writing this poem to her begging to let me sleep and as I got to the end it kinda transformed on it’s own into a reminder of how quickly her need for me will fade. Kinda funny that in writing about my problem I found some peace and appreciation where there was resent and annoyance before, this is why I write people.

 

snooze poem

 

hope you like it! feel free to share:)

 

 

 

 

 

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Talk about it

depression

I haven’t talked about this much. I don’t really want to. I would hate to worry my parents or the people that love me. But some things just need to be said.

Honestly, I didn’t think it would go on this long. I assumed by now I’d be back to my old self, consumed with ambition and passion for my work and my life.

Nope. No passion. No motivation. No energy. I’m totally drained and it sucks.

My kids are awesome, my husband loves me to death and supports my every whim, so why can’t I get through an entire day without becoming a moody-irritable-mess??

A doctor might call it post-partum depression or a hormone imbalance…

…diagnose me with some disease and write a prescription that I’ll take the rest of my life just to feel somewhat normal. No thank you! I really have nothing against doctors. truthfully I just don’t have the patience for appointments and waiting rooms and referrals and specialists.. just thinking of it makes me cringe a little. So for now I prefer a doctor named Google(I know it sounds crazy) and a pharmacy called Amazon .com(seriously they have great deals on health foods and supplements) So I got totally sidetracked there -see that lack of focus?? But, my aversion to waiting around is not the point.

The point is that I feel like shit and until now I’ve only really vented about it to my husband -sorry Dave. My only other outlet is research and in my vast internet perusing I have found that almost everyone feels like shit and assumes it’s normal. It is not. It doesn’t have to be. And it definitely doesn’t have to be a taboo topic of conversation. Why do feelings make people so uncomfortable?? I find that incredibly annoying. I can tell you from personal experience, that it only adds to my already anxious and annoyed mood when I feel like I have to plaster on a phony smile day to day. I sooo wish I could just open up and say “actually I’m going through some stuff right now but I’m working on it and hopefully I can give you a genuine smile tomorrow”

When it comes to small talk and social media…

…I usually stick to the “if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say it at all” mantra, but a few days ago I stepped outside my comfort zone with a very open post on my facebook page. I pretty much said that I’m just not feeling it right now and I’ll be back into blogging when the mood strikes. It felt so good, I was sooo relieved. It didn’t even matter to me if anyone “liked” it or commented but it was out there, it was out of my head and onto the screen. That’s the entire reason I write. As an introvert, my thoughts are constantly swirling and when I hit “publish” they can finally sit neatly organized on a page; an opportunity for someone reading to identify and feel comforted.

I am by no means recommending that you go posting every complaint and worry that pops into your head throughout the day, some things are better aired out to a professional or someone close to you;) But before you rely on some magic potion or pill to cure you, seek support.

depressing facebook stauts

Fake it til you make it does not apply to depression.

I know, you don’t want to go around spreading your negativity, me either. It’s okay to talk honestly about negative things, it can still be positive as long as you do it in a way that is seeking a solution. If you’re lucky you might just find someone with a valuable suggestion to help you(I did!). It’s kinda like when you go to AA the first step is admitting the problem and then you have to take steps to pull yourself out of the mess you’re in.

So now I’ve got my steps in place and I’m on my way to feeling better

These are just a few things that are helping me. I encourage you to make a list that is true to you

  1. Be open and honest
  2. Cut out sugar, caffeine and all things yucky from my diet, add water lots of water.
  3. Plexus triplex

    << It’s totally unlike me to buy things marketed as “diet pills” but in researching like I love to do I found that weight loss is just a side effect of getting healthy on the inside. I took a leap of faith(we’ll see). I’m sure I’ll post all about it in the future but if you’re curious now I’d love to talk!! feel free to contact me

  4. Show myself grace on bad days
  5. Get more fresh air and exercise
  6. Pray. When I feel great I pray that it lasts and when I feel crappy I pray for God to pull me out of it:)

Baby steps. Day by day I feel better. I’m looking forward to writing a post telling you all about how amazing I feel and how I overcame Depression without drugs. Unfortunately today is not that day and I’m okay with that.

Happy or sad, just be yourself and God will take care of the rest!

 

 

 

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Confessions of a hippie Christian

hippy christian

I was raised Christian and have always Believed in God and Jesus Christ. But as I grew older the things I liked didn’t seem to fit in with the church life, so I just figured it wasn’t for me. I thought a good Christian girl goes to church, never says anything to offend anyone, and only associates with others that have the exact same beliefs. That seemed too hard. I couldn’t keep up, so I gave up!
I’m not that church girl, I’m a mess I have big opinions that might offend you. I love all kinds of people and often associate with people with very different beliefs and that’s ok with me. I listen to rap and classic rock more often than I listen to the local Christian station and I have tattoos, but none of that changes my love for Jesus Christ and my need for a relationship with him.

If that church girl is who you truly are GREAT! Say it loud, say it proud! I wish I could be more open with people about my beliefs but what if offend them? What if they judge my other choices because I am Christian? (Because Lord knows I don’t always make godly choices!) I think that a lot of young people are intimidated by this persona that church-goers portray. It seems so hard to live up to, so out of reach. So it occurred to me I need to tell people this, I need to get it out there that all Christians do not have to be the same. We can be whatever we want and be empowered by it! I can jam to Led Zepplin on my way to church and not be a hypocrite. To me going to church and pretending to be something I’m not felt so much more wrong. I am not a good pretender, I wear every one of my emotions on my face. It’s just my nature. So I was left questioning, why does the “right way” feel so wrong. I spent so long either denying my faith or trying to make myself something I’m not, Both were exhausting!

My point is, we don’t have to lose ourselves to our faith. God created us that way, uniquely and perfectly. As long as we put Christ first in our hearts and strive to act out of love, he smiles. Prayer and reflection are the key, if you can’t talk with Jesus about it it’s probably wrong otherwise keep on keepin’ on. I am still learning who I am, but I am relieved that I no longer have to be conflicted. My passions can’t keep me from Christ because he is the one that put them on my heart.

 

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bucket list

bucket

I always kinda thought of a bucket list as morbid. Why would I want to think of such a horrible thing, but truthfully If I didn’t write things down and give myself a deadline things would never get done. With that said here are a few things I’m going work towards sooner than later.

My Bucket List (in no specific order):

  • give birth naturally
  • stay up all night watching movies and laughing with my teenage daughters
  • make a lasting impact for future generations
  • protect baby sea turtles as they make their journey into the water
  • get a degree
  • write a children’s book
  • sleep on the beach
  • adopt a child
  • be a surrogate for a family who desperately wants a baby
  • do mission work
  • home school my children
  • travel the country with my family in our skoolie
  • learn woodworking from my husband
  • learn to play chess
  • grow old gracefully
  • teach a yoga class
  • be old and grey with my husband and still act like young love birds
  • go to burning man
  • go to Mardi Gras in new orleans
  • see a Pink Floyd laser show
  • raise strong confident daughters
  • Get married(vows renewed) in Vegas drive thru style
  • protest for something I care about
  • run a marathon

I’m sure the list will change and age with me but there it is, written motivation to live with purpose and use my free time (haha what’s that??) to do things that bring me joy.

what’s at the top of your bucket list?

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Stop calling it sleep training!

How to gently teach good sleep habits-the proverbial houseCan we please stop calling it sleep training as if our children are dogs in obedience school? How about something more like: Building good sleep habits. That is something I can get on board with. Because at some point babies are not babies anymore and they need sleep and so do you! And that’s when good habits can be taught. Don’t get me wrong, I am totally not against co-sleeping, if it works for you that is awesome! enjoy that closeness. But what about when it doesn’t?

Good news! there are more options than just co-sleeping or cry-it -out.

At some point with both of my babies, rocking to sleep stopped being gentle and sweet and became more like restraining a mental patient until they submit(not at all what I’m going for) And co-sleeping was comfortable for about an hour until we’re both sweaty, restless and in desperate need of some personal space. I guess my babies just aren’t cuddly (as much as I wish they were). When it comes to sleep (or anything else for that matter) It’s all about knowing your baby and following instincts, not just reading a book or a blog and doing what ever worked for someone else (yes I see the irony in this statement but stick with me:) ) You gather all the knowledge you can; use what works for your family and throw out the rest! If not you’re setting yourself up for a lot of unnecessary stress and mom-guilt, but that’s a whole other post.

charlee 8 months

So here we are at 8 1/2 months old and it’s about that time that my baby does not want to be rocked to sleep anymore:( I tried to put it off but she’s a sweaty fidgety mess at bedtime. And we went from waking up 1-3 times at night to 3-7 times a night. We’re totally exhausted, and it’s probably because she is used to being rocked into a dead sleep before being put down and now any little thing that wakes her at night requires more rocking and nursing to go back to sleep. I know my baby and I know that it is time to put some good sleep habits in place.

How to gently teach good sleep habits

It’s not an overnight change, it probably took 6 months with my oldest until we were able to just do books, prayers, kisses and leave the room. We worked in stages and anytime I felt she needed more help falling asleep we went back a stage(again it’s all about reading your baby’s needs). We’ve just started stage 1 with my youngest, It takes a lot of patience but it’s so worth it to have a child who feels secure in their own bed and eventually sleeps all night.(cue the angel choir)

sleep habits rocking-theproverbialhouse

Stage 1: Creating crib comfort

rock/nurse until those little eyes start to droop and then gently put them in the crib an pat, shush, sing, rub, speak gently, etc. until baby is still (I’ll wait a second with my hand on her back) and then take a step back count to five and repeat until you are out of the room. If baby starts to cry at any point do the steps backwards. Get closer,  then use touch/sound,  then pick her up and rock/nurse until she is calm again and start over.

sleep habits pat back-theproverbialhouse

Stage 2: Creating a routine

Once stage 1 goes smoothly for a while and you rarely have to do the steps backwards you can create a bedtime routine (i.e bath, stories, prayers,cuddles -all this is in place of the rocking) give kisses and reassure baby that you’re right there and put her down. Then you start the crib routine again with touch/sound to soothe baby maybe for  a little less time than before but still doing the steps backwards if baby gets upset.

char6mos1

Stage 3: Setting up camp

At this point you do the routine give kisses and reassurance and then set up camp in a comfy chair near the door and sit quietly until baby is out. If she is sitting up and playing just walk back to the bed and lay her down maybe give a few pats and then back to your chair. With the first baby I had a twin size bed in her room to lay on until she was out, with this one I’ll just have the rocking chair. I like to face slightly away as to not make eye contact but still be able to see her or sometimes i’d even close my eyes and “go to sleep” too. When she’s still I would usually say the lords prayer in my head or count to 30 and if she stays still the whole time it’s safe to leave the room waiting for a few seconds outside the door to make sure she is really out. You can stay for shorter and shorter times as your baby feels more comfortable but always be quick to respond when baby needs you so that your building trust.

sleep habits for baby- theproverbialhouse

Stage 4: Goodnight

This is it, this is the stage where you do your routine, give kisses, and then have a little party as soon as the door shuts. But not soo fast, you gotta ease into this step or you’ll be starting all over at stage 1. So anyway when you think your child is ready for this last stage, just do your routine and give kisses goodnight. Don’t try to sneak out, be upfront with your baby that you will leave the room and then reassure her  you’ll be right there if she needs anything. I would stand right outside the door or watch the baby monitor closely and if(when) she gets upset..you guessed it..do the steps backwards. You can quietly go back in the room and shush, maybe move towards the crib or sing. You don’t need to rush in and go immediately back to rocking, just let baby know that you’re there and only when she is clearly upset and nothing else is working you should pick her up. Be persistent and eventually your baby will trust you and herself enough to gently drift off to sleep all on her own.

The point is to show your child that she is safe and capable and you are there for support **BIG BONUS TIP: this concept carries on through their whole life;) .

sleep habits-theproverbialhouse

 

If you’re still tired here are some books that might help: The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night

 

The Sleep Lady®’s Good Night, Sleep Tight: Gentle Proven Solutions to Help Your Child Sleep Well and Wake Up Happy

**disclaimer: these are affiliate links see my legal page for details

What is your sleeping arrangement with your babies?? let me know in the comment section

 

Olives-n-Okra

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